May Be

A lovely, fresh morning. Blue sky above the bright greens of spring. Very special in Olympia - sun lighting up the world, blue setting it off. A May weekend ripe for gardening, hiking. Today I will plant the scarlet runner beans and otherwise putter in the garden, rechecking the broccoli for slugs, taking the Remay off the peas and chard sprouts (peas were devastated by I suspect a bird, probably a jay, pulled out the sprouts to eat the seeds) :(

Nice of us to feed the wildlife though. Hopefully that's how Ernie felt when a bald eagle swooped off with one of his chickens. That was last year, now they have wires strung all over the top of the chicken yard.

Other than beans, I have eye appointment at 11:30 I am thinking of bicycling to, and nothing planned until 7:00 meeting painter friend to give another estimate on deck repainting at my house. The first estimate if I go for the whole thing would cost $2936! But it is itemized and I could do some myself - ie, remove lattice $400, remove and dispose of the fiberglass roof under deck $550.

This is fascinating stuff I know but here's the suspenseful connection - getting glasses because preparing to not have them covered as well under health care when I move to Hawaii. Getting deck done so I can re-rent to a nice solid household and have mortgage covered while I am there. But I may need to get someone new to be my property manager, as Ariel is thinking of bookin' it to Oahu herself.

Several big developments in the strategy towards Hawaii life with Dan:
*told supervisor Art at work I will be leaving in September!
*told workmates same, more solidly than previously, which also resulted in learning another member of our team is also quitting - at the end of this month!
*big one - Emily got a great financial aid offer from Puget Sound University, due to her good grades, and just back from Oahu we visited the school yesterday and talked with a financial aid counselor, and found out it will be even better when I no longer have a job (perversely pleasing). We had a guided tour of campus (the art of walking backwards while talking, it's really very important in a guide so you don't feel you are tagging along but are being engaged) and saw dorm (ok), swimming pool, talked to a psych dept teacher (she was great), ate lunch at the cafeteria (many vegan options, organic/local-ish salad bar - but not like cooking for yourself from the coop).

Shouls have taken camera, extremely photogenic day on extremely photogenic, small and quaint campus. I can see Emily loving it there, so that is exciting :)

Good Oly Days

Yesterday I made the following list:

And this was the secret to a very satisfying day.Began with the satisfaction of cleaning up the room, at least the floor. Then the first serious putter in the garden, which was basically chopping up weeds, shaking out soil, and starting to reestablish garden beds. Then went Coop shopping with Emily, during which time I made a mess with each item I was getting - overspilled the bulk oil, dribbled the beans, blopped the tahini. I said to Em, I should volunteer here as a clean-up person. Anyway we got quite a bit of food, with a good focus on vegetarian staples like rice and beans, but they added up ($180). Came home and took Madders for a good run, shorts and t-shirt weather, one of the medium-length runs from here, through the meadow (looked like the bald eagle was back), down to Evergreen (windier day then I thought) and through the woods (so many trilliums blooming) and back out near Doug's house and home.
Then a very satisfying shower because I was sooo dirty.
...i'm going to have to finish this later...
4-25 - this is later, and I am having a VERY similar day, only took Emma on the same walk with Maddy (slight variation in trails). Even had a nap too, and cleaned up room, and am going to garden next. Yesterday was Procession, the all-year Oly high for feeling satisfied, impressed and lifted by all the great and extroverted folks who come out to prance and play. Great drumming and good music all around, well spaced. Samba Olywa has like 200 people or something! I love all the bodies being flaunted. Tons of kids this year, too, meadows of em. Sprinkling throughout of people I know, but I went alone and did feel kind of cast away, without a kid or friend or partner to wander with.

The smiley face at the bottom of the list is because I added "tibor's thing" (he gave a great presentation on his parents journey through and out of Auschwitz and into Canada) after I went - in compulsive list fashion. The pleasure of looking back at the list.

Post Hawaii and a Little Texas

The month of March was 3 weeks in Hawaii being submerged into farm girl, back to Oly for less than a week and then to Texas to a conference for 4 days and now I am here in Oly again - home that is.

This time I am having a hard time readjusting - actually i guess I did last time, too. I mean I am very happy here, especially with Ariel now moved in upstairs with Em, the 2 dogs, and plenty busy-ness around them and that, but very hard to adjust to the dynamic again of being here, being into work and home when I am starting to have a mental home in the middle of the ocean. I went from those three submerged weeks of feeling what life could be like in Hilo, and loving it, loving the every-dayness of it, starting to feel important and essential, to being plopped back into my "real life" which has nothing to do with it. Here's a typical day:


-wake up to sun slanting into my eyes, that cardinal singing in the leggy tree; the sun lights up the inside of the mosquito net around our bed so it is like being inside a glowing nest
-seeing that it's early, and that there's a big cloud that the sun is about to go behind
-lazing a little more, while Dan sleeps and eventually startles me by saying, wide awake-like, Good Morning!
-I ask him if he dreamt, planning to share the snippet I remember, and he goes off on a 20-minute full feature adventure-drama (maybe he has dreamed of flying... ) while I slowly lose my snippet


-Jason or Bear or Joy come into the kitchen and say something amusing-teasing (Jason) or apologetic (Joy) or just "good risin', what're you doin today" (Bear)
-and so we get up... share a huge papaya or make some oatmeal
-Dan goes up to work on the road - hops on the noisy dirt bike, dashes off like a kid with his safari-style hat flapping - up the hill to where his big Cat is, doing a job for a neighbor
-I commence puttering - transplant some seedlings, feed the chickens, maybe some laundry, work on the Farm Plan or another computer task related to farm
-Go for a run, up and down the hills, get drizzled on just as I'm getting hot, maybe at the end go down through the bamboo patch to the waterfall pond, swim about in the cold water
-back up at the house chat with jason, maybe do a little yoga, take a shower
-make lunch for dan, who usually comes down around 2; something like leftover lentils made into a salad with chips and guac
-he eats it with great appreciation for the presence of myself and my preparation of food for him
-he then does some computer stuff; or maybe returns to the project and I return to puttering.



The evenings are stir-fries with fish eaten in the dark, and either some music making or taking turns checking e-mail and facebook and just chatting until bed.



So, there I was all immersed, and then plop back I come on a Monday overnight flight, Ariel gets me, home we come, big house, lots of news; that week Emily and I help Ariel move down; things in Oly keep reminding me of Hilo; I go to work 3 days, do a ton of stuff, Emily has not found a good option for the fall but is trying hard to get applications in everywhere that might make sense, I help with a financial aid form, UHawaii Hilo fee, then off to Texas on Monday.



Texas (Austin) is very surreal and I miss Hawaii very much, hearing the mourning doves and seeing palms and feeling warmth. Although super busy and distracted and involved I am also lonely for Dan. But I am present, not distant, taking it all in, making friends, exploring, focusing hard on how to bring the messages of public health impacts from climate change to people who are increasingly suspicious of any such science.

My highlight is the last morning, I go for a long run and discover a juice bar that has Hilo-natural food store essence, get a "Thai Wonderful" juice of carrot, ginger, beet, coconut, cayenne wow, it was just perfect and very Hawaii, am able to keep running because it was light enough but nourishing. Then to the outdoor pool (staying at the Four Seasons) where it feels very Texas as I swim in warm chlorine and sunbathe under a skyscraper listening to Fleetwood Mac ("I am, waiting for the suun, to come uup, I can't heear, you're small voice... " no no! I checked, it's "I can't sleeep, with your warm waays" (!!).

Well my point here in this long randomly illustrated post was how I am going to make all this happen. The strategic plan connecting my kids here on the mainland, family on the east coast, with my new life and my love and my passion out in ridiculously impractical Hawaii.

I have not fully itemized that plan but as this is so long I will leave it at that for now. Sorry no pics from Texas, it looks just like the Four Seasons website (used to say, postcard) so original pictures seemed silly.




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About Prayer (Warning: Rant)

Prayer works, some people are sure of it - I was talking with a friend, Eric, the other day who had an experience with cancer and felt that the prayer of friends around the world definitely helped. So I asked, Why does it only work sometimes? I was thinking of Jackie, who just died of brain cancer and had hundreds of people praying for her; people really good at prayer, people who were devotees of a guru and spent a lot of time connecting with each other metaphysically specifically to heal (this was her specialty).

Eric's answer was, there's a reason for it when it does or doesn't - also he said when he prays he doesn't ask for a cure, he asks for the right thing to happen. I said, hmm.

But lying in bed this morning, I had the following rant, in my head. What possible reason is there for all the horrible things that happen to people? I don't need to list them - make your own list (sources: news, history, documentaries, books, things that have happened to friends and relatives and maybe yourself). There cannot be a GOOD THING that comes from all that horrible suffering bad stuff to innocent kids, people, animals, planet.

Okay so the good thing may be interpreted as - other people will then realize how bad this is. And then be better. So the world should be gradually getting better. Except bad things keep on happening, people are not getting better at solving problems, people still kill each other with elaborate planning or spontaneous anger or by texting while driving. People still get horrid cancers. Species go extinct. The planet is whacked out on CO2 that is a measurement of our inability to curtail our greedy behavior. So some people are going green. Some people are meditating and reaching new levels of enlightenment. It is not saving the majority of suffering.

There's no balancing out going on. No justice, no fairness. Prayer may work - it does look like we are able to influence things outside our own bodies, we have connections to each other and possibly to all life that we haven't been able to measure or identify scientifically. But it only works sometimes, somewhat randomly, not for a grand design or because that person "still has work to do on this planet" - we are not that important. There is no grand scheme, unless it is to expel people from the planet and let it recover in peace.

experimenting with layout

Just want to see if I can put things into categories. This is work-related research...

Walking with Dog

I walked down to the water with Maddie a few days ago.

this is just our driveway - we can walk right from here over to the Evergreen woods and beach

For the first time in a long time this fall I've had no dogs at home to take me out on adventures. I still run and get out there but don't walk so much. With friends walking is a lot of talking - which I love too, but I tend to walk without seeing; I can find I've walked for miles and barely seen where I was, other than the stunning mushroom or flower that pops up and commands attention. My head is filled with the conversation, with what I'm going to say next, with how much I can ask my friend to reveal beyond what they have just shared that has intrigued me.

We pass this bog, which 36th Loops around - see the red maple in the distance? Here are few of its leaves.

Running I love too but again am much less sensitive to surroundings. I don't listen as well. Listening is so important and so hard to do, with all the clamor in my brain immediately giving an opinion. I would get a lot less upset at people it I just listened and didn't immediately check what I hear against my bank of facts and find a need to defend or put forth my position. Even in my own head, my own conversations I don't listen. Always putting up other points of view, projecting scenes, how will I say this later, how will I describe this thought I had...

looking left, towards
Mud Bay at bottom of
Eld Inlet
looking right up towards
Puget Sound; a big
madrona tree hangs
over the beach here



Such good places to unthink.

Pausing in the field we cut through gives a nice view of sky

And back on the path that leads to 36th.

Got into documenting patterns - here are a few:

Weekendz

Got a camera - and walked around the yard - that's looking out the bedroom door



Looked at stuff



Everything is beautiful



the tomatillo husks disintegrated leaving their little bodies trapped in lacey balloons






maple leaves fell, but not this paper wasp nest